darkness vs light

I have been really thinking, pondering and studying about darkness and light.  The darkness that lurks inside me has a purpose- lessons for me to learn from, but not sure what. Most of what I am finding in the scriptures and in talks by general authorities talk about spiritual darkness is brought on by disobedience, sin, and spiritual neglect.  I understand that darkness but the darkness I feel is not from sin or disobedience.  It is something darker and deeper that comes out of nowhere and at random moments.  How do I battle something I don't yet understand?  Is this caused by something I am doing or not doing spiritually????

Isaiah 50:10-11-Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? let him trust in the name of the Lord, and stay upon his God.

 11 Behold, all ye that kindle a fire, that compass yourselves about with sparks: walk in the light of your fire, and in the sparks that ye have kindled. This shall ye have of mine hand; ye shall lie down in sorrow.

1 John 1:5-This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.

John 8:12-Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

John 12:35-36-Then Jesus said unto them, Yet a little while is the light with you. Walk while ye have the light, lest darkness come upon you: for he that walketh in darkness knoweth not whither he goeth.

 36 While ye have light, believe in the light, that ye may be the children of light. These things spake Jesus, and departed, and did hide himself from them.

Acts 26:18-To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me.

1 John 2:8-11-Again, a new commandment I write unto you, which thing is true in him and in you: because the darkness is past, and the true light now shineth.

 9 He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.

 10 He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him.

 11 But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and awalketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes.

this gives me some hope-2 nephi 19:1-6 - 1 Nevertheless, the dimness shall not be such as was in her vexation, when at first he lightly afflicted the bland of Zebulun, and the land of Naphtali, and afterwards did more grievously afflict by the way of the Red Sea beyond Jordan in Galilee of the nations.

 2 The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light; they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined.

 3 Thou hast multiplied the nation, and increased the joy—they joy before thee according to the joy in harvest, and as men rejoice when they divide the spoil.

 4 For thou hast broken the yoke of his burden, and the staff of his shoulder, the rod of his oppressor.

 5 For every battle of the warrior is with confused noise, and garments rolled in blood; but this shall be with burning and fuel of fire.

 6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder; and his name shall be called, Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

this is my goal- Doctrine and Covenants 88:67 -And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.

    this is how to get there: 88:63-Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

Elder Robert D. Hales said in his talk, "Out of Darkness into His Marvelous Light,"

     "Moment by moment, breath by breath, our lives are granted to us and are renewed. So it is with       spiritual light. It must be renewed in us on a regular basis. We must generate it day by day, thought by thought, and with daily righteous action if we are to keep the darkness of the adversary away.

    "Unless you are fully engaged in living the gospel—living it with all of your “heart, might, mind and strength”  —you cannot generate enough spiritual light to push back the darkness."

These are the thoughts I was having and things I was studying.  Still felt there must be something I am missing. For sure, the modern day prophets and apostles have to have addressed the darkness of depression, right????  I was feeling lost and then the Missionaries stopped by.  I asked them to let me know if they come across any talks or scriptures about darkness that has nothing to do with sin or lack of knowledge of the gospel.  They shared some of the above scriptures.  Said they couldn't think of any scripture stories at the moment except for maybe Job.  They also said, maybe it has to do with the affects of someone else's sin that can bring darkness.  I pondered these things and agreed with some of it but still felt like there has to be more.   

General Conference  is today and tomorrow.  I have often heard that if we pray for guidance in our lives or answers to our questions and concerns, and listen to conference with the right attitude, then the Spirit would answer those questions.  I have never really tried this, but in desperation, today I watched with a prayer in my heart and having asked the Lord for specific guidance.  And miracles happened.

First, Elder Robert D. Hales spoke.  He was quoting President Lee and said something like this: If we follow the prophets, the power of darkness will be dispelled from before us.  Ponder and pray about what we are taught and then go and do.  This is what I took from it- it is dependent on faith.  I need stronger and deeper faith (shield of faith to block the fiery darts of the adversary) to fight the darkness.

Second, Elder Edward Dube spoke.  He said to not look back.  The past is to be led from not lived in. Look ahead, faith is always pointing to the future. Look ahead and believe. Stand close together and lift where you stand.

Third, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke. "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."

Next, President Boyd K Packer spoke. Scriptures are the key to our spiritual protection. Keep your covenants. Be not afraid, only believe. Turn to the Savior.

All of these talks seemed to be answers to my prayers. And then...

Elder Jeffery R. Holland spoke.  

This was truly the miracle I desperately needed.  He spoke openly of depression.  He shared his personal experience with it.  He shared President George Albert Smith's battle with depression.  He spoke to my heart.  He spoke to my soul.  He helped me know God is truly aware of me.  Here is what I heard:
-The dark night of the mind (a darkness that isn't from sin!)
-do not be embarassed by this trial that you battle
-NEVER lose faith in Heavenly Father's love
-seek council from those who have the keys and stewardship to help you
-seek priesthood blessings
-take the sacrament weekly
-believe in miracles-they WILL come
-Hope is never lost
-watch for stress indicators in yourself
-fatigue is a common enemy
-try not to be overwhelmed
-be patient- stand still and wait on the Lord
-there is still much to hope for an be grateful for
-Trust in God
-Hold on in His love
-all shadows of mortality will flee

I know that Light chases away darkness.  Darkness can never overpower Light (unless we give into the darkness and turn off the light.)  Christ is the light.  His word is the light.  As I strive to fill my life with more light and follow the things Elder Holland said, I can handle the darkness that comes and hopefully minimize the number of times the darkness tries to seep into my soul.  There is still much to learn and ponder. But today, a miracle happened.  I can not deny that.  So grateful for Elder Holland for addressing such a tender topic.