maybe

Maybe it is about catching glimpses of my true self and not about being the "old me". Maybe it is like when we have glimpses of heaven.  Maybe I am so focused on trying to get back to "normal" that I am missing the point of it all.  In my struggles and attempts to regain life as I knew it, I may just be missing the bigger picture.  I need to stop trying to regain what life was like and learn to enjoy, accept, and embrace a new way of life.  I am sure I am missing out on great things while I am busy trying to get back what I lost.  I do have to say that I LOVE this not busy life style I have had to adopt.  I love just hanging with my kids. I love taking time to read to them, braid their hair, snuggle up and watch a movie together.  I enjoy just sitting down and breathing-not feeling stressed to do this or that or hurry up the kids so I can get more done in a day.  Life is more peaceful in many ways- one of the "perks" of depression I guess.  It has taught me to slow down and find ways to enjoy what I have.

Met with my Bishop last night.  It was good. Really good.  He gave me some things to do (most importantly he told me to prepare [and follow] a detailed plan for exactly what I am going to do when I start to feel the darkness come.)  He helped me to see this all from another perspective.  He gave me permission to not be perfect :) and let me know that it is okay to ask for help-that may sound dumb but I think it is what I really needed to hear. Today I felt a little more hope as I let the things we talked about and decided upon sink in.  I am to the point where most days are good days. The light out weighs the darkness now.  I just need to keep on keeping on so we don't reverse that.  So much more going through my head right now, but I think I need more time to process it all before I write.