“Our task is to become our best selves. One of
God's greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again,
for no failure ever need be final.”
-President Thomas S. Monson
This is really important for me to remember. I fail just about every day. I try really hard just about every day too. Some how my best isn't always good enough for others. BUT my best is always, always, good enough for my Father in Heaven. Best is best. You can't do better than your best. Don't compare. Don't stress about how much you fall short each day. (This is easy to say and beyond difficult to do! I know, I struggle with this on a daily hourly basis!) What I have come to learn lately is that if we do our best and it still isn't "enough" to fulfill a task that is required of us, we can turn to our Savior and His Atonement can give us the extra strength and power to accomplish our task. He makes us more than we can ever be or ever do on our own. We have to learn to turn to Him and ask for His help. He is there, ready to give it. He has already paid the price we just have to humble ourselves enough to ask. The enabling power of the Atonement is awe inspiring and such a magnificent blessing. I could not make it from day to day without it.
Funny that I read the above quote today as I have been thinking so much the last 24 hours about being my best and what it all means. Last night, after a long day, I came to the realization that in some ways, I was a better mom when I was in the worst parts of depression. I didn't yell at my kids. Now that I am doing so much better emotionally, I have been doing some yelling. I hate it! Not sure what the issue is with me (I am sure there are many.) As I have pondered this today, I think what happened was that I was just too tired, to sad and too checked out to care. And it didn't help that my kids were walking on egg shells around me, trying to keep me from crying at the drop of a dirty sock and Mara was playing mom because I couldn't drag my crying, exhausted, unshowered, and very sad self out of bed in the mornings. Now that I am up and going, I am frustrated with them not doing all the things I let slide for the last couple months (I know, totally unfair of me!) I am still very tired and I am not nice when tired. I need to find some kind of balance here. How to be the nice mom- not yelling and more willing to listen and cuddle and get away from the grouchy, yelling mom who is too busy with stuff I am behind on to really listen to my kids or stop to hug them when I see in their eyes they too need to be reminded they are loved. That is my goal this coming week, to figure out a balance. I know if I start getting too busy and trying to do too much, I will eventually cycle back into a deep depression. Each time I go down that dark road it is worse. This last time has been by far the hardest and deepest and if it comes again I don't know that some exercise, gratitude journaling and prayer will be enough to pull me out of it. So the theme for the next week is balance (and not so much yelling.) Wish me luck!
