the last four days have been so emotional, uplifting, and filled with a great deal of peace.
it started friday afternoon when a dear friend offered to watch audrey so i could go to the temple and do initiatories for some family names i had recently found. it was a much needed break from taking care of a sick four year old, but even more it was a much needed break from the world. there is no way to accurately describe the beauty and peace that comes when entering the temple of our God. the quiet, peaceful atmosphere was so welcoming and wonderful.
what transpired for me while in the temple that afternoon was special and sacred. thanks to it being busy, i had some time to just sit, ponder and rest. i just want to record for my children (and myself-as a reminder during future trials) some of the things that i learned through Spirit while sitting in the house of the Lord. i shed many tears as i was reminded of the incredible blessings the Lord has given those who have entered His holy house and covenanted with Him. i had heard the blessings so many times but that day, they took on a whole new meaning- one that humbled me and reminded me of who i am and whose i am. it gave me the strength i needed to continue to endure this trial and for the countless trials that lay ahead of me throughout my life. i was taught many things through the Spirit that day, things i will hold dear and will apply to my life. one of the things that i learned in a new way and that was implanted on my heart, that i feel is most important for my children to know is that all of this- all these trials, challenges, frustrations, complications, etc-are part of God's plan for me/us. it is all a chance for me to improve, draw closer to my Father in Heaven and become better. it is also preparation for the trials that lay ahead. i know that all of this has been part of our family's personal plan that a loving, merciful Father has prepared for us. i also felt an overwhelming impression that soon this trial will seem small, that there is more ahead for us, something that will be challenging in new ways and that i needed to know before it happens, that it is part of God's personal plan for me.
now, i have no idea what trials lay ahead, but i know with every fiber of my being that it is part of the plan-it is the Lord's will. all of this has been the Lord's will. each trial in our lives is preparation for greater trials and greater learning- this is life- that is why we are here, why we left the presence of our Father. to return to Him i must endure trials, tribulation, struggles, challenges, shortcomings, and mortality. i can't do that alone. i need the Spirit to guide me, family to support me, friends to comfort me and my Father and His earthly servants to send me direction, inspiration, and love.
the Spirit has continued to teach me through the last two days of general conference and many moments (both good and bad) with my family. many talks spoke to my heart and pierced my soul with a reminder of those things the Spirit taught me in the temple on friday. i felt the Spirit strongly all weekend and again today. there were many moments of tears as i felt peace and felt again that there is something that lies ahead that will be more challenging than anything i have faced. i held my kids a little closer today, tried to get my priorities in the right order, played a few extra games of lego memory and hello kitty go fish, i left my bathrooms messy but my heart full. i looked at my children and really saw them- tired to memorize their faces and the exact color of their eyes. i told them i loved them a few extra times and made sure we didn't forget scripture study or prayers. life is difficult but so full of love too. there is so much going through my mind and heart right now- no way to really share what i feel but just know that God is good and His will is much better than mine in the end. grateful for the peace that i feel.
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